No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I stole a fireplace last night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
