I'm going to jail i love you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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