I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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