went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize