Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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