I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
