Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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