he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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