PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Walk of Shame today included voting.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
