when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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