"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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