Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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