Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
