I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
