Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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