that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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