I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
