YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
