Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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