Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
