He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
