you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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