Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
