Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize