I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
