I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
