I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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