how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
