dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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