Your tits are I can't wait for
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
