I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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