Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
