the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
