i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
no, he came in my armpit
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
