I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
