my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Randomize
