I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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