ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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