69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
