She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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