just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
