just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
