Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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