The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
