I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
