I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
