i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
