tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize