I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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