dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize