There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
