she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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