We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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