my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
