PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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