I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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