im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Come see our sink grown plant.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
