I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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