i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
