he told me I talked like a deaf person
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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