I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
