no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He did a backflip because drugs
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