I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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