i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
