How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
