i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
