I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
