My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I need moral support for this bender
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
