sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
